1 in 4 people in the UK suffer from some sort of mental illness. According to the World Health Organisation, the number one leading cause of disability is major depression. Of the top 5 causes, 2 are linked to mental health. Yet no one talks about it.
If you asked me two years ago what mental health was, I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer. I was (unintentionally) ignorant, uneducated and unaware of how many people suffered and what that meant in reality.
It was exactly two years ago that my eczema started getting much worse, I started losing sleep, getting more stressed due to work pressures/house purchase happening all at the same time. My physical health was deteriorating rapidly and it didn’t cross my very tried, stressed out mind that maybe my mental health was also deteriorating.
I put all my effort and energy into fixing the physical problem, the itching, bleeding and red raw skin was causing me so much pain and discomfort, I wanted it all gone. I presumed it was food/drink/pollutants/external factors that were causing my eczema, and if I could get rid of the itchy red skin – I would be totally fine. Turns out that was not the case.
I did manage to fix the physical problem using medicine – I stand by that, I really did think I needed medical intervention as I was so acutely unwell, and it did work.
Fast-forward to summer of 2017, I was still using medicine but my skin condition was so much better. I still noticed, however, that I was continuously irritable, frustrated, anxious, worried about everything… the list goes on. I remember I was regularly getting into situations that I found really stressful and difficult to cope with.
One example being: getting the tube to work! As crazy as it sounds – it was virtually impossible to commute in rush hour in London without some sort of conflict. Anyone that does the rush hour commute will know what I’m talking about, you are pushed into hot smelly tube carriages like sardines, everyone is in a rush, everyone is pushing and desperate to get on the first tube that comes, everyone is arguing, pushing, shoving – it is no wonder people’s mental health would suffer. I could never understand why it was always me that was seemingly getting pushed or having people shout at me/say hurtful things. I could never bite my tongue, I would always have something to retaliate with, usually something witty and righteous. I never thought that maybe it was my mindset that was the problem, no one was actually trying to push ME or hurt MY feelings, but I took everything so personally.
It meant I was constantly upset, annoyed, worked up – all before 9am. It annoyed me that no one understood or knew what I was going through, and if they realised their comments would hurt me so much. I felt that so many things in my life was spiraling out of my control – and I hated it.
I realized I needed to make a change, for myself, no one else. Instead of blaming other people or outside factors, I knew I needed to focus on my mental health. I’m so good at the physical stuff, gym every day, eating healthy etc. I would put all my energy into excelling at work and in the gym (I am so competitive it is crazy). But I think I forgot to look after my mental health and I could see that it was really suffering.
Fast-forward to now, I am so much happier and healthier, but you have to work at it every day. It is true that unless you’ve suffered with your mental health, it is really hard to understand what someone is going through. Even though my mental health DID suffer, now, because my mental health is in a good state, I have forgotten what it feels like and therefore maybe am not as thoughtful about it as I once was. Now when I’m on the tube, people push, shove, shout, argue… I literally smile and ignore it, avoid conflict, say ‘sorry’ even when I didn’t do anything wrong – it makes you a happier person!
It is important to ‘check yourself’ – if you are being argumentative, irritable, uncompromising – ask yourself why. Could it be you rather than everyone else being the problem? What can YOU do to fix yourself – no one else is responsible for it and no one else is going to fix you.
Do you bite your nails? Binge eat/drink? Smoke when stressed? Do you have act out of emotion rather than logic? Do you have ever have racing thougts, dry mouth, dizzy, visionary changes, butterflies, sweaty palms, tense muscles, adrenaline, faster heart beat – this is your mental health being challenged. You don’t have to be clinically diagnosed with depression or anxiety to suffer with your mental health.
Therapy
I decided to take my holistic healing (not just physical but also mental) into my own hands. I am lucky to work for an amazing employer who provides amazing facilities for personal wellbeing. I would encourage you to take what is available to you – it can be life changing.
I was lucky enough to be recommended a psychologist who specialized in people living with skin conditions and coping with stress. My dermatologist introduced me and I went along for my first session. After six sessions, I was a different person. I think EVERYONE should see a therapist at some point in their life haha. It is SO fascinating and interesting. I learned so much about myself. I remember telling the psychologist so many things that had happened and explaining how they were all my fault/my issue. She helped me understand so much more why other people may behave certain ways, she helped me learn about my childhood and upbringing and how much that shaped me.
It made me realise I needed to stop putting myself down for the way I was, but instead be proud and empowered in sticking to my core values and morals – rather than thinking I needed to change for other people. I learned that due to being such an emphatic person – I took daily life events much more seriously than other people and had a higher value for life than other people – due to being in a few near-death experiences (one being 2004 Boxing Day tsunami where I was on the beach in Thailand – had to run from the wave and everyone around me sadly lost their lives).
I remember the psychologist saying to me: I am not going to diagnose you with anything, you are not suffering from anxiety or depression, you have all the skills to combat what you’re going through – but you are stressed and putting so much pressure on yourself that it is making you ill. She helped explained the psychology and science behind certain behaviors and how you can manage it. It made me appreciate how other people are suffering so much more than me – and I needed to open my eyes to that.
Many people have unhelpful thinking patterns, such as “everything is rubbish”, rather than “a few things aren’t great right now”. Most perfectionists only pay attention to the negative, jump to concluisions, lack emotional reasoning. Making your thoughts purely rational/transactional when making big decisions is really important. Personalising things so that everything is “your” fault or issue is dangerous.
For any parents, take a listen to a very interesting talk by a clinical psychologist – particularly relating to health issues for young people in a modern world.
Go on google and type this and the YouTube video comes up: Peter Fonagy: Combating a Mental Health Crisis
Another thing I learned from the psychologist is that your pre-frontal cortex (the brains logical centre) doesn’t fully develop until we are 18. Children don’t necessarily have the capability to think rationally and logically. If children are called names by bullies or have huge pressure from their parents – it can form who they are (i.e. not being good enough, constant need for perfection etc).
We are hardwired to act and behave certain ways due to our childhood – the way we are is shaped by our experiences and how we are bought up. Quite often, the way we critique ourselves is due to how we are hardwired. The way we speak to ourselves and treat ourselves is not how we would speak to friends or family – so why do we do it to ourselves? The brain has “neuroplasticity” – we can re-wire the way we think and we can learn new behaviours and modify how we react to things that happen to us.
Resilience
Resilience is so important. I recently had the pleasure of going to a talk by Dr Bill Mitchell – an amazing clinical psychologist who does numerous workshops on resilience and energy. Slides from his presentation are publicly available via this link:
https://www.chba.org.uk/for-members/wellbeing/dr-mitchells-well-being-slides
Dr Mitchell focuses on people in the corporate world and describes the type of person that I am: “Type A”, City worker, high standards of myself, quite self-critical, high-achieving aspirations. Whilst these can all be positive – if you push yourself too much, especially over a long period of time – you can end up being overworked, overwhelmed and in ill health. The problem is – people who are workaholics and take little time for themselves, don’t realise that these are not conscious decisions they are making, that is why so many people are suffering because they don’t even realise these negative thoughts/choices are passing them by.
Be aware of people around you. If you notice change in behavior, emotions, physical appearance of people you know quite well – take a second to consider whether their mental health might be drifting (quite often they won’t realise it themselves). Be kind to everyone – you have NO idea what strangers are going through, the chances are they are going through SO much worse than you. Look for the small things and set aside the time to have a conversation with people you might be worried about – invite someone to discuss.
A lot of this might seem overwhelming to overcome, but even a few early nights, a few days wthout alcohol, a few days exercising – can make such a difference.
The physiology of our mental fitness is made up of our adrenal/cortisol system. This impacts our energy, productivity and resilience in challenging situations. It is also made up of our neurotransmitter systems. This impacts our mental energy, concentration, positive mood, engaging nature. Cortisol is good for you, it can lead to increased adrenaline, increased pressure, leading to more energy and higher performance. However it the pressure gets too high – your energy, performance can drop (think of the bell curve).
In good mental health, something could go wrong – and if you are conscientious and in positive health, you can tackle the problem head on, in a relaxed manner. In poor mental health, something could go wrong and you lose sleep, worry about it, react aggressively or poorly, cannot fix the problem – even the smartest people can make these mistakes. One day you can handle something well (moany kids/partners) and diffuse the situation, other days you can retaliate and make things 10 times worse. All because of our mental fitness. If any one of your key priorities for good mental health dwindle i.e. sleep, exercise, relaxation, good diet (usually things you unconsciously let go of) that can help you lose track.
Breathing
When was the last time you paid attention to your breathing? You won’t realise it, but right now you are probably taking quite short, sharp breaths, you probably are not fully filling your lungs each time you take a breath, you’re probably only breathing into the top half of chest and not using your diaphragm at all.
We live our lives so quickly that we forget to breathe mindfully, and when we are anxious we breathe much quicker than normal. When we are anxious, we take in more oxygen and breathe out more carbon dioxide – but because we aren’t exercising or using any of this extra oxygen, we don’t produce extra carbon dioxide. As we are expelling more carbon dioxide than we are using, its concentration in the blood goes down, the pH of the blood changes, and this can lead to us feeling dizzy, sweaty, light-headed. It is important to slow down your breathing when feeling anxious, you can relax your breathing to make you instantly feel better.
Try sitting still with your eyes closed, breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, breathe out for 7 seconds. Try that 7 times. Tell me you don’t feel any calmer or more relaxed? That is itself is mindfulness/meditation. People think meditation is sitting cross legged chanting – and it puts them off. But going into a quiet room and taking deep, slow breaths is what you should be doing.
Mindfulness/Meditation
Download the app ‘HeadSpace’ or ‘Calm’. Both are great and they provide guided 10 minute sessions to help you meditate. It is statistically proven that those who meditate everyday improve their mental health. It is so powerful and requires such little time and effort – it is a no brainer (excuse the pun).
It is all to do with coping mechanisms, how aware are we of what is going on in our lives, and how much of our lives are we on autopilot? We should be eating, living, breathing mindfully.
Mindfulness is quite simply, present moment awareness. Being mindful of how things REALLY are rather than how you want them to be. Being mindful during a stressful time would involve not “giving up” on an issue, but moving on and letting go. In times of crisis, stand back, look at the bigger picture, make smart choices rather than automatically reacting based on your emotions.
Change your thoughts from autopilot to direct consciousness. We cannot change how life passes us by – accept it and understand it. Imagine your thoughts as clouds passing by – not disappearing but moving along, acknowledge them, accept them, and let them pass.
We own our mental process – we can change our response to stress. A clear head is important. Try coming back to problems after a work out, sleep, or meditation – it’s always easier and quicker to get important things done this way rather than when under high stress/time pressure.
Yoga
A lot of people dismiss yoga, saying it isn’t hard enough exercise and it’s boring. I promise you yoga can transform your mind AND body in crazy ways. In the summer of 2017 I signed up to a local yoga studio. I went every morning before work. I cannot tell you how many things I noticed changed within me, almost immediately. I did hot yoga (40 degrees), super sweaty, lots of hardcore exercising and breathing exercises, stretching and the odd massage from the teacher which is dreamy.
Even though I was sleeping one hour less per night, I had so much more energy, I was SO much more productive at work, I felt so happy, NOTHING bothered me anymore. I’d be pushed on the tube and have someone scream at me, and I’d literally just look blankly at them and smile. I had NO desire to argue back or explain why they were in the wrong. I was able to look into peoples eyes and see sadness, see their struggles, it allowed me to finally understand that people were behaving like that because of whatever was going on in THEIR life. It was their external stresses that were causing them to behave like that. Now – if I don’t go to yoga for a week or so, I can totally notice my irritability on the tube creeping back. It’s the small things.
You also get so much stronger doing yoga. Your core strength improves so much, your upper body strength and also flexibility. I find yoga harder than running or HiiT classes. You have to commit and find a class that suits you (Vinyasa yoga is a quick flow class that is higher in intensity, whereas a Yin yoga class is more centered around meditation and breathing) – so choose what you fancy and give it a go.
Sleeping
Good sleep cures everything – I remember when I was getting 3 hours a night, I was losing the will to live. I was dragging myself to work every day, trying so hard to stay awake, then all night I was wide awake itching so bad. I would take a boiling hot shower at 3am every night so take away the itch, but that would strip the moisture and only make it worse in the long run. I used to wake up with blood everywhere from where I scratched. I would cry every morning while getting ready for work – then have to commute in the rush hour. I feel for parents of young babies who do this!
I now get 8-9 hours sleep a night and wake up feeling refreshed. When doing yoga continuously, I wake up AWAKE and am able to get up straight away. When I don’t do yoga, I wake up and snooze a million times, I REALLY struggle to get up and feel awake.
Only when you start to listen to your body do you realize these small things – but if you are waking up still tired and groggy then something is wrong and needs to be addressed.
If our mental system is unstable, fragile and drifting – you are unlikely to be sleeping well. If you can keep your mental equilibrium stable – and know what you NEED to keep it that way i.e. exercise, sleep, seeing friends/family, eating/drinking healthy – don’t ever let it go. Too many people overlook what they need and do not prioritize – it is a slipperly slope that can ultimately lead to poor health. It really is the simple things.
Try and limit TV/screentime in bed, avoid napping in the day, avoid alcohol, caffeine and heavy meals before bed, don’t stay in bed when you can’t sleep. If you can’t fall sleep after 30 mins in bed, get up, do something relaxing (read/listen to music), and try again later.
Good things for sleep include regular exercise, good diet and lots of relaxing. Try writing down your worries before bed. You could write them on toilet paper and flush them away, or keep a diary. Make sure your room is dark for sleeping, not too hot/cold, put essential oils on your pillow, listen to nice music, have a bath before bed with chamomile tea. Take deep, slow breaths with one hand on your stomach and one on your heart, feel the movement of your breath and slow it down. Think about 4 good things that happened in your day and zzzz….. 🙂
Work
Good book recommendation: ‘Working with mindfulness, keeping calm and focused to get the job done’ by Dr Michael Sinclair and Josie Seydel.
We live in a world where we are driving for more and more success, we cannot seem to admit we are not ok, cannot seem to admit failure or illness. It’s an odd thing that so many people prioritize work – then their relationships suffer – then their work suffers and then their health suffers. It is a constant cycle that affects our performance. Some people have certain personality types that lead them to behave the way they do i.e. perfectionists. Actively going against your natural reaction is hard – but as soon as you’re aware of it – you have to action it and think about how you can deal with things differently.
High-performing people are often the most at risk, those who run on max, run towards fires – those are qualities that drive success. Then they can turn against you – by creating needless pressure. The constant “on” and constant need to be competitive and successful can also block us from exercising good choices. That feeling of guilt for not exercising, not eating healthy, not working hard enough – that is what drives our success, but also what can drive failure. Drifting from your healthy equilibrium is so easy but so important not to allow. If you are at the point of losing it and totally overwhelmed, stop trying to do more, faster. Stand back, deal with your emotions beore you deal with the issues. It could be as simple as slow, deep breathing. Then think about the the one thing you need to do to get back on track, do it slowly and ignore everything else. eventually, you’ll get yourself back on track.
I hope some of these tricks can help some of you, they certainly helped me!
If you got this far well done! Thanks for reading 🙂
Lydia xx